Have you walked in the door at home and seen a particular look on your spouses face and knew something was not quite right?

Have you looked at a friend while meeting them for lunch and knew something was amiss?

This is true for both genders in our
specie.

If you do not notice the look on your spouses face or on a friends face… it might be that you are not really looking at them.

To notice some things you must hold the look for a bit.

If you never notice these looks…
you are blind …
or most likely unwilling to admit it because you fail in desiring to know what the look means or you fail in wanting to take the steps to address it.

Early in a relationship everyone notices each other.
And wants to help.

The real concern is with what happens after years together…. and growing accustomed to a face.

An encouragement…
work on looking at the face of your spouse, and holding that look… to decipher what might be going on in their heart and mind.

There is a commercial running on television currently regarding depression.

It shows various men and women in social circumstances holding up a happy face… while behind it they have a look of pain on their actual face.

As adults and mature humans,
we should possess the ability to look and see, either in the eyes or maybe the way they are holding their mouth… the emotions they are feeling or the
pain they are carrying….
or maybe the weight that the events of their day has burdened upon them.

I believe very few things are more important than taking the time to look and notice the look on that face you should be seeing when you or they walk through the door.

I used to tell my nieces to smile with their eyes and not merely show their teeth as they were having pictures taken.

One can figuratively
“put an hanger in your mouth”
and show a smile.

A mouth can smile
even as the eyes show great pain.

You know that look….
you see it at a funeral on those people standing next to the box. It’s called a “brave face.”

If you see a “brave face” when you walk through the door…
understand you need to address it.

You must look and notice it first.

As we notice that something is not
quite right…
we must take the next and difficult step to ask the question.

And, not to accept what many times is an answer like….”I’m Fine”.

When I have had that answer spoken to me….
I usually reply that I can see another answer written all over their face.

At times they do not want to bother you with it.

Be willing to be bothered a bit.

The person you care about behind that hurting look or that furrowed brow is worth the bother.

Many times, after holding the look, and not merely walking by and blowing them off, the next thing you hear will be a stating of the problem.

Know that your reaction to that might determine their attitude for some time to come.

If you curl up your mouth or roll your eyes because you have “heard it before” ….
you might get shut out for some time.

You might need and they might need you to say nothing other than “Talk to me”.

You might need to do nothing other than to go hold them for a minute.

If you have ” heard it before”….
be careful to not say that….
and refrain from finishing any sentence beginning with …
“I told you………..”

These moments are not for scolding.
They are more for listening and making an attempt to understand.

Silence with your ears willingly open
to their monologue might be the remedy they need.

Much of psychological consultation is allowing a person to talk and simply get their feelings or emotions out and expressed.

None of this can happen though if you do not notice the look on their face.

Notice the look on their face.

Look…….
at the people in your life.

Look long enough to notice and see
them and what they are carrying on their shoulders.

Look……
notice….
and inquire …
and give them some time to vent,
to express their burden
and share
what only you might be able to fix.